whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
