She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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