just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...