I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
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Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
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Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
