as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
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we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
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I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that