I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass