Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch