If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.