im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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