Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
