I wish I could teleport
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i believe in u and ur pee
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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