I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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