apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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