i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
