if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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