YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
