I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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