physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
