haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
