Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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