Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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