you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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