i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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