Did you just see the Batmobile???
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
