I will die if light touches me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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