I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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