Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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