...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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