she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
