I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
