i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
