Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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