there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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