I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
