The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
