im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
