I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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