How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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