..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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