Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
