well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
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I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
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I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
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