Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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