I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
