You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
