one two three fourrrrnication!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
