News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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