At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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