I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
