Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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