We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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