It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
