Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means