Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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