Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.

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(956): View more from Texas

found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(314): View more from Missouri

Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers

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(425): View more from Washington

It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.

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(719): View more from Colorado

he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong

(813): View more from Florida

Thats admirable.

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(805): View more from California

her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.

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