We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?