Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize