So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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