he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
