Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Come on in and take your pants off
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