im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We are two peas in an std pod
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
