you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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