i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
