Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
