My Higher Power is John Stamos
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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