I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
