We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
