I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
