Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
