I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
