It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
