Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
