It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just want nice things and good sex
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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